It's Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, this June. Colliding with Pride Month, we would like to bring to the table the hardest subject to accept by popular vote: men suffering in silence.
Some call it toxic masculinity, others say its macho, but no matter what your gender orientation men will always be affected by the stigma of weakness. Some are lucky enough to have a shoulder to cry on, but most of the fathers and sons walking among us cannot remove their armor. Not for their friends, family, or partners...
Everyone has their reason, mostly because we accept the saying: boys don't cry. But they do. Boys should cry often, and it's a shame that we don't encourage it enough. It exhibits strength through vulnerability, releases stress, and makes them amazing leaders.
"According to Tom Lutz*, the author of 'Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears,' it was common in the 18th century for upper-class men to cry — in fact, 'they were viewed as brutes if they didn’t...'" (Association for Psychological Science)
So, take the time to ask your fellow man, how they are. And if they don't want to say much, then offer them some kindness and see if they open up to share a thought or two. Some guys aren't easy to work with, but if you're able to find an opening and allow them some confidence in their trust in you, then there's a chance he or they may try to be vulnerable enough to reply back. An inch can turn into a mile, with patience.
Art by bettybebe
Fathers, most of all, have provided such complexes all over the world. When their sons come out as gay or transgender, paternal figures have been mostly known to lose their temper or break down in disappointment over their son's decision to be homosexual. The stigma of this event stems in the idea of two men being together as an unacceptable lifestyle, moreso than the idea of not having biological children or an alternative lifestyle marriage with a non-binary woman. Because though a son may be masculine in appearance, can hold a good paying job, and qualify as a good man and father (biological or nonbiological), being attracted to men within the queer or trans spectrum demolishes the ideal son - a masterpiece result of good fathering, as Conservative fathers believe.
Even binary cis-male genders have agreed that their main problems with these same fathers is their emotional absence. Drug users have met in clinics with almost the same story. Sons with stern fathers tend to be unpredictable to them, and the shame from their disappointments struck hard, due to the lack of resolve.
An article written by Hana Ames, from Medical News Today, wrote, "A lack of emotional validation and support can contribute to low self-esteem. Children may grow up feeling unworthy and unimportant or that their feelings and needs do not matter."
"Childhood emotional neglect can have a profound impact on a person, affecting their emotional, psychological, and social well-being in various ways that can last into adulthood"
Many sons stay in touch with their family, even if the abuse continues. Some become closer and find acceptance later in life. But for the rest of those that don't are left with the peace of mind that their life is theirs to live.
Healing takes time. And sometimes the answer isn't desired, but peace will come, with a community and self care. The path towards it may be more chaotic than expected, but, like the common cold, it needs to get worse before it gets better.
CITATION
• Male depression - the danger of suffering in silence. Bay Psychiatric Associates. (2023, August 14). https://baypsychiatric.com/resource/blog-male-depression/
• Leaders are crying on the job. maybe that’s a good thing. Association for Psychological Science - APS. (2020, May 6). https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/leaders-are-crying-on-the-job-maybe-thats-a-good-thing.html
• Lutz, T. (2001). Crying: A natural and cultural history of tears. Norton.
• Ames, H. (n.d.). Childhood emotional neglect: Signs, effects, and how to heal. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/childhood-emotional-neglect
• Griffin, D. (2019, November 20). Gay men and their fathers - the man rules podcast. Dan Griffin. https://dangriffin.com/gay-men-and-their-fathers/
AUTHOR: REN SACHPLAKAT
A student at Pasadena City College, Ren is a Journalism Major, with a taste for pop culture and cult classics. His experience in bullying while growing up led him to volunteer for nonprofits, and hope to advocate for their cause through the Press.
